WTF Does This Do? My Battle with Hotel Bathrooms

I've traveled to over 80 countries at this point, but one aspect of journeying remains constant: the part where I'm in the bathroom with soap in my eyes and shampoo in my hair, and can't figure out for the life of me what that f-ing fixture I have in my slippery, wet hands does, and how to make it do it.

Does that long, metal spigot function as a hot/cold regulator, or will it send a shower of needle-like massage jets down on my back?

In some countries I've mistakenly turned the knob toward "C" thinking "Cold" only to realize after a scalding river of water hits me that it meant caldo for hot.

Hotel bathrooms never come with instructions, and that's the one thing they need. 

Just a little friendly advice - "Hey buddy, don't touch this unless you want to unleash a waterfall of water on your unsuspecting head," or "Turn this to the right to the everlasting peril of your flesh."

In the meantime, I've perfected a routine. I gingerly approach the appliances fully clothed at first, turning the knobs gently to see what happens (a technique not unlike that of a tentative lover).

So far, I've come away relatively unscathed. 

But I'm almost positive there's a hotel bathroom in my future that will challenge even my practiced hand at "what the hell is this for" groping.  -- Gretchen Kelly
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